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Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash

I’m sorry in advance
for all the times I will
turn over to you in bed at
4am with tear-stained cheeks
and a head full of noise. Sometimes
I just can’t seem to find
the off button for my thoughts.

I’m sorry in advance
for all the times I will
get angry at you for no reason,
and for all the times I might
think you will leave me
for someone better. Sometimes
I can’t imagine anyone
wanting to be with me forever.

I’m sorry in advance
for all the afternoons
I will spend alone,
curtains drawn, messages
unanswered. …


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Photo by Micheile Henderson on Unsplash

“Did you know that all Solitaire games have at least one solution?” proclaimed my father to a nine-year-old me, after seeing me play (and mostly lose) Solitaire on his computer. I’m pretty sure he meant it in a harmless, ‘fun fact’ kind of way, but my little perfectionist brain naturally took this as a personal attack. “That means, if I lose, it’s…my fault?” I whispered to myself. I immediately decided that I hated Solitaire.

To this day, whenever I’m bad at something, I find it a lot easier to give up rather than put in the work to get better…


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Photo by Tim Bogdanov on Unsplash

When we experience trauma in our lives, we often end up feeling like a victim. We feel betrayed by our god, or the universe, or other people. We feel weak. We feel powerless. We raise our arms to the heavens and ask, “Why? What did I do to deserve this?”

Well, what if we changed our perspective? I don’t believe the universe punishes anyone, I don’t put my faith in a vengeful god, and I don’t think that people are out to get us. What I do believe is that the universe teaches us lessons. …


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Photo by Jennifer Burk on Unsplash

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you,” I look up to see my friends crowded around me, “Happy birthday dear Marina, happy birthday to you,” a cake that I would later feel bad about eating is brought out, “Are you one? Are you two?…” We count to my current age and everyone cheers. I smile, close my eyes, and blow out the candles, thinking, I wish I was skinny.

I’ve always wanted to be small. It’s what I would wish for anytime I threw a penny in a fountain, whenever I saw a clock read 11:11, and every single…


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Life is filled with countless cycles. Some are naturally-occurring — the sun rises and sets every day; the moon waxes to completion then wanes back to nothing; mother nature loops through her four seasons. Others, we have created — kids are sent to school each semester without fail; the same holidays and astrological signs are celebrated annually; each animal of the Chinese zodiac gets to shine every 12 years.

These perpetual cycles give us a sense of comfort among the chaos of life by offering structure. On my personal quest to find structure, and to better understand my emotions and…


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“I’ll be happy when I’m skinny,” “I’ll be happy when I’m in a relationship,” “I’ll be happy when my blog takes off,” “I’ll be happy when I have tons of money,” — this has been my narrative for as long as I can remember. As if at some arbitrary point in my life I would finally decide, “Yes, this is it. I’ve made it. I’m good enough. Now, I can be happy.”

I was always busy working on the dream me. My waking moments were filled with daydreams of a shinier, skinnier, and more successful version of myself. At night…


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I’ve been taking antidepressants consistently for over two years now, and I’m finally starting to come to terms with the fact that I will likely be taking them for the rest of my life.

My first stint with antidepressants happened when I was just shy of 17. My mother found me crying on the couch one day, unable to stop. Through heaving sobs, I told her I needed her to take me to a professional. This wasn’t the first time I had suggested it, but this was the first time she agreed. …


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Lately, whenever I try to write, I feel like I can’t breathe.

I start sentences and can’t finish them. My hands clam up, my pulse elevates, my throat tightens. My brain is teeming with thoughts that I can’t seem to translate into anything coherent. I’m somewhere between wanting to throw up and wanting to pass out. I’m scrambling, trying to join my ideas together like puzzle pieces, but I’ve lost the box, I have no reference image. …


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Hi, my name is Marina, and I have an excruciating fear of wasting time. Whenever I don’t feel like I’m being productive, I become overwhelmed with anxiety. I get angry and impatient. I get the urge to jump out of the nearest window. Because I am paralyzingly aware of my own looming mortality, I constantly feel like I don’t have enough time to accomplish everything.

Tasks that need to be done daily or weekly bring me the most annoyance. I hate cleaning my apartment, shaving my legs, putting on makeup in the morning, commuting to work. I just want to…


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“I feel like I’m at a crossroads and don’t know where the fuck to go,” one of my friends texted me on a Monday morning, “I’ve been here at this crossroads for quite some time.” This is not an uncommon feeling among millennials in their twenties — I’ve had similar conversations with many of my friends and acquaintances. The fact that we’re not alone does help, as it’s nice to know that we aren’t unique to this feeling, but why are we all feeling so exhausted, frustrated, and hopeless?

To start, we have inherited a bad socioeconomic climate from previous…

Mindful Miss

Leftist mental health writer || she/her || @mindfulmissmarina on Instagram

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